Funnyness is back

I haven't put any jokes on for a while so here it goes :)
Funny Puns:
I wondered why the baseball was getting  bigger, then it hit me.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

I did a theatrical performance on puns, really it was just a play on words.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how a Mercedes bends.

Lightning sometimes shocks people because it doesn't know how to conduct its self.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is a period, it marks the end of his sentence.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Sleep comes so naturally to me, I can do it with my eyes closed.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bike and a nicely dressed man on a trike? A tire.

If you step in a plane and see a friend of yours named jack, don't yell Hi Jack!

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

No matter how much you push the envelope it will still be stationary.

A grenade thrown in a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? The heat was in tents!

Sufferings and natural disasters

Tonight at Power Tower, Pastor S talked about natural disasters and earthly sufferings. Especially relating to the point: "is God in control and ordaining it to happen?" We read a passage from Luke:

13:1 There were some present at that very time who told him about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. 2 And he answered them, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? 3 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. 4 Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? 5 No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.”

In this section some Jews come to Jesus and tell Him about a disaster that had happened, that people offering sacrifices were ruthlessly murdered by pilate. They assume that they must have committed some sin and appear to be coming to Jesus to confirm this. They were probably shocked to find that instead of agreeing with them Jesus shows them their own pride and tells them twice what they didn't want to hear. They are proud that they hadn't sinned as badly as those that died. Clearly Jesus says that this is not the case, instead he points out that they will to die in the same manner if they do not repent. This isn't saying that if you are saved life will be easy and carefree. Then he goes and says it all again! Clearly the point of natural disasters are to point out, to people, how close they are to eternity and to make them start to think. Millions of people have died as a result of seemingly purposeless storms, earthquakes, and floods but I believe that millions have been saved forever as a result of these same disasters. "For God works all things together for good for those how love Him and are called according to His purpose" this might not mean that it will be for our good on earth but for the eternal good of others. Basically its a divine wake-up call.